• ecto

A post by Ecto

It has been a really - REALLY - long time since I have been on this website and since I have written or done anything. I have not been comfortable to really sit in the body and look out at the world and enjoy myself. I've really just been hiding and comforting littles and pretending things aren't happening. I am, for once, very sad. I truly feel like I was brought into this system to be that energy and drive they needed and I feel I drove them straight into a wall.

More and more often I feel myself pulled to the front for reasons I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because the body needs something and the way I look (or used to look) at the world is needed. The way I used to eat, sleep, drink - maybe that creative energy? We always joke that Sunny is like our manager - maybe that's the dynamic that the brain wants to push us in.

We like to think of it that way. That we're all different settings in the brain and whatever the brain needs it will switch a dial to whoever works best. I know it's not always like that but how else am I landing in front when - I honestly don't want to be here?

The only thing I can think is either the Warden or Day or Sunny - or the brain - wants me to try again.

So I've made some goals for myself.

  1. I'm going to bring back our healthy eating and omit our 'emotional eating'

  2. I will not restrict or make TABOO foods. Everything, this time, is good within moderation. Eat nutrient-dense foods, but save room to enjoy treats

  3. Begin creating content that focuses on Inner World storytelling. This was why I created this website - yet was never able to fully see-through to my vision.

  4. Getting back into drag. I truly feel my creation was to bring everyone into our world. I'm not the main attraction. I'm the host, showing you around, while the real talent entertains. I should make it clear that I do not recall creating my pieces. I truly believe it was Bean or Sunny or another part. For that, I want to give them the credit they deserve.

I'm not ready to do "Outfit of the Day"s yet. Bean had mentioned it. Though I DO love the idea of bringing back storytimes. :) Perhaps as performances. Filmed from the torso up. I feel inspired. In a different way than before. I hope that I can do what the system needs and give them the recognition they deserve. They need love. I love them. Though I know sometimes my voice is just a tickle in the back of the head - I can at least show people how cool they are. Maybe I can build our collective confidence <3


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